carbabixo (carbabixo) wrote,

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i write in this jounral all the time..
but i never write anything worth reading.. well at least nothing worth reading to me.. when i look back at past entrys.. i used to write how i felt.. well this is how i feel right now..

i feel pretty fucked up.. im happy im sad im bipolar. i dont have feelings and i have strong feelings. its weird my mood seems to change with each new day. one day its life is going by to slow and i just want it to be over. the next is life is going by to fast and im just letting things pass by me. i guess it can be a little bit of both?. depends on your outlook... some days i want people to notice me and somedays i just want to stay in a little corner with my headphones on and write. i like not being noticed sometimes. alone time is good for the soul. sometimes when i think to much i get sad, other times it makes me really hopeful. things feel shitty and i know they always will get better. sometimes. and i know they will always get worse. sometimes. i hate days where i wake up thoughtless.. as time goes on it seems as if thats happening more and more. it hurts like fuck too. like a stab in your heart. some days im a hopeless romantic, and other days i just like to fuck around. some days i like to party, other days i just want to have that person to cuddle with in bed all day.. sometimes i like to get fucked up and other times i hate the fact that people could do that to themselves.. that i could do that to myself.. ive come to realized i have no idea who i really am.. but i guess thats how life can be.. and this is what highschool is for. figuring out who i am, what im good at, what im here for... becaus im here for something i know..

also i wanted to say that there was a car crash today. it made me sad.. scared
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